Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
