I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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