At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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