i don't like sucking hair
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
