She's JV to your varsity
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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