I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
