What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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