Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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