He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
