i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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