I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
