I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
