I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
