I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
