im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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