i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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