she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I've blown a few things in my day
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
