Ambien. No doubt about it.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
