she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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