She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
