So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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