i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
