i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
