called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
