do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
