he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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