So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
