Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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