i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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