I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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