Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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