if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
