She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Randomize
