that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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