No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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