i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm bleeding and have questions
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
