Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
