R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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