I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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