I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
