She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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