I wanna bring you to show and tell
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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