I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
