I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
