Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just found a bag of teeth...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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