people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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