Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
