it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
We need to rekindle our bromance
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
