She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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