Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
