this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
