I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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