I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
